No. Yes! No. Yes!

They'd have twice the respondents if the other half of the candidates could will themselves out of bed.


Are you living with Mood Swings?

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Date: 2009-12-30, 9:44AM PST
Reply to: see below

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Are you living with Mood Swings? Do you experience times of feeling elated, full of great ideas, talkative and confident? Then, at other times, feel depressed, have no energy, have trouble concentrating and need an unusual amount of sleep?

You may be living with Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar Disorder is a condition that can be managed with treatment.

Summit Research Network is studying an investigational medication for depression in adults with Bipolar Disorder. If you qualify, you will receive help identifying your symptoms, and will receive research related care and research medication at no cost.

For more information, please call Summit Research Network at 503-228-CARE, or visit us online at www.summitportland.com

• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

High There!

Exchange for "services"? I have this friend who likes "services"...

Looking for Medical Marijuana card holder who designs websites. (Portland )

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Date: 2009-12-27, 3:15PM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Hello,

We are a medical marijuana support service who have developed a few new designs of vaporizers for patients and will be shown in the February issue of "HighTimes Presents Medical Marijauna". We are trying to get our website together and are looking for a OMMP ( Oregon Medical Marijuana Program) card holder who is qualified in website development. We would like to do an exchange of services. We can discuss possibilities. Thank you for your time.

• Location: Portland
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Barter

"experience" a must

Oooooh Minimum wage?!? Um, I guess as long as you don't have to do any cleaning up...

Adult Video Store seeking Clerks (148th and Se Stark)

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Date: 2009-12-26, 1:51PM PST
Reply to: see below

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Paradise Adult Video at 14712 Se Stark St in Portland is accepting applications for the position of sales clerk. Your duties will include, but may not be limited to, making sales, making change, mild security (we do have a full time security gaurd, so nothing major. just basic stuff like theft prevention), etc... Retail experience and basic computer skills are a must, and a clean, neat appearance will get you to the top of the list. Please feel free to come by anytime to fill out an application as we are open 24/7. The Max Blue Line stops just a few blocks away at 148th and Burnside, and bus number 20 stops right in front of the store. Thanks.

• Location: 148th and Se Stark
• Compensation: $8.40+
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1525409124

But can you find Busy Bee?

We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other.

Show Dog Assist. (Clark County)

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Date: 2009-12-26, 2:23PM PST
Reply to: ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Looking for an individual who has experience showing and preparing dogs for the show ring. Must be knowledgeable of the workings of a dog show and be able to travel extensively thru out the Western U.S. Will help with grooming, care and training of show dogs. Possible live-in opportunity also.

• Location: Clark County
• Compensation: Salary + all expenses while traveling
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I &hearts pyramid schemes!

If we get in now, we'll all be rich!!!

Finally, Earn What You Are Worth (Anywhere in the U.S.)

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Date: 2009-12-22, 11:34AM PST
Reply to: IWantToBeAFounder@HomeProByDesign.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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HomePro by Design is seeking experienced and dedicated professionals for our national launch. If you qualify, we will train you – and train you well. We will pay you – and pay you well. Highly capitalized, we offer a lead generation program and focused support for those individuals selected. Special compensation benefits for this select group provide unlimited depth of profitability, offering the most exciting opportunity of the year. Each Founder will participate in quick start programs to create an accelerated growth potential. Call 1-800-660-5617 or email Iwanttobeafounder@homeprobydesign.com for personal interview.

Hiring Organization: HomePro by Design

• Location: Anywhere in the U.S.
• Compensation: Unlimited depth of profitability
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

What is murder rock?

I really wanted to mock this because of its fabulous tag line. However I quickly realized I saw this band on Halloween last year, and it was really fun.  If you have been waiting to be a clown corpse, This might be the job for you.

MURDER ROCK BAND NEEDS BODY BAG DANCERS (pdx)
Date: 2009-12-21, 8:30PM PST
Reply to: gigs-3hjbz-1520696022@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are America's #1 murder rock band. We have been killing it in Portland and around the NW all year. We are looking to make our disgrace taste a little spicier. E-mail if you think you would like to debaucherize with us.

• Location: pdx
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Free drinks, tips and plenty of rock & roll.

Energy not included

From what I've been able to tell from driving around town, Being a great sign spinner seems to require being younger than 16 years old or just a sweet sweet meth habit. 


So no, I don't think I have what it takes - yet.

Do you have what it take to be a SIGN SPINNER? (Troutdale)

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Date: 2009-12-16, 11:25AM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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This position is for EVERY WEEKEND, both Saturday and Sunday!

Earn $$$ while you listen to music!!!

Every Saturday and Sunday from 10:30 AM- 4 PM

Great Part- Time job for people who like to attract attention!

JOB REQUIREMENTS:
1. Must be WELL GROOMED
2. Must be ENERGETIC
3. Must be 18 years or older
4. Must be able to work in ALL types of weather

JOB DESCRIPTION:
You will be waving/ spinning a sign at a designated street intersection to bring traffic to a new home community. Each day you will pick up/ return the sign to the sales center. You MUST be PROFESSIONAL and ENERGETIC!

Training Provided

Respond to this ad for an application and be prepared to start this weekend!

****This is an Independent Contractor position, which means no taxes are taken from your pay****

• Location: Troutdale
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $10/hr

This job is the shit!

On the upside, people would probably never tailgate you in traffic


Portable Toilet Route Driver (Longview)

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Date: 2009-12-16, 8:53AM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are a fast paced, non-smoking environment and require a good appearance and professional attitude.

Responsibilities/Requirments Include:

*Must pass DOT drug test
*Clean MVR
*Ability to lift 100 lbs.
*Able to work overtime &; weekends
*Team player
*Self starter with limited supervision
*TWIC card desired
*Deliver/Pickup toilets
*Clean toilets
*Repair when needed
*Promote company in a professional manner
*Legible hand writting
*Good knowledge of Cowlitz, Lewis, Clark, and Columbia Counties

Please sent resume by responding to craigslist ad

• Location: Longview
• Compensation: $12.00 per hour
• OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

OMG! WE'LL ALL BE RICH!!!!

Holy hell! 
If I had $29,532, I'd be a millionaire!


Make $29,532/mo in Mobile Phone Sales!!!! (Portland)

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Date: 2009-12-15, 12:05PM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Make $29,532/mo in Mobile Phone Sales!!!!
Ground floor opportunity with unprecedented services!
Global wireless communications company providing "UNLIMITED EVERYTHING."
Unlimited TEXT, unlimited VOICE, unlimited INTERNET, unlimited E-MAIL, unlimited.
unlimited GLOBAL LONG DISTANCE, unlimited VIDEO TELEPHONE.
NO contract, NO credit check... All for one LOW FLAT RATE!

Do you think you could sell that?
We ALL can! Everyone will want this!

Join our TEAM for an unprecedented opportunity with no income caps!

Listen to a 4 minute recorded overview message to get the details at 712-432-1085 access code 546530#
ACT NOW!!! You really ARE at the right place at the right time!

Call Steve direct 503-805-4702 to join our TEAM

• Location: Portland
• Compensation: Commission + Residuals + Bonus
• Telecommuting is ok.
• OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
• OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Image by Winston Smith

http://www.winstonsmith.com/

amateur + explosive gas = awesome

Some people just aren't concerned about the details, I guess.



i need someone to installl new gas lines (vancouver)

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Date: 2009-12-15, 7:22AM PST
Reply to: ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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hi there im about to convert my to water heaters and range and my chimaney to gas so i need a coulpe of lines run in to the house.i really dont care if your lisenced or not as long as you have a very good experience runing gas lines or if you do that for a living and wanna do the job as a side job.please contact me at 360-566-5896 to bid on the job or bye the hour thanks richard 360-566-5896 the job is in vancouver

• Location: vancouver
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

amature speller wanted

Santa? Is that you?

amature talent wanted (portland, or)

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Date: 2009-12-10, 11:07AM PST
Reply to: ^{Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Need several large men with beards and some few smaller younger males for film. Will NOT be a PAID job but you will get to be in a film. Will shoot 1 to 2 days depending on location etc...
Will start filming mid January 2010
Please send a phone number and facial picture to be considered. This will be fun.
Thank you.

• Location: portland, or
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

B.Y.O.M.

This actually doesn't sound like a bad job at all, although I don't really feel like my microwave is qualified.


Food & Wine Pairing Promotional Event (Canby/Oregon City/Sandy)

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Date: 2009-12-07, 11:16AM PST
Reply to: see below

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Triple Point is currently seeking outgoing and professional Brand Ambassadors for an exciting food and wine pairing event.

DUTIES:
You will be handing out food and wine samples and providing information to consumers on pairing food and wine together.

WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR
Outgoing, friendly, sales-oriented
Prior serving/bartending experience is a plus
Ages 23 and up

REQUIRED:
-You MUST have a food handler’s card and alcohol server’s permit to work this event.
-Must be able to bring your own microwave
-Must have access to a fax machine.

*Please list relevant experience in the comments section of your profile.

NOTE:
Conference call will be required for training
NOTE:
You will be working as an Independant Contractor for this event.

• Location: Canby/Oregon City/Sandy
• Compensation: $18/hr
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Maybe I could stretch...

I'm just under-qualified for awesome jobs like this. In this case, 5 inches under-qualified.
very tall woman, very short man needed for commercial (nonspeaking) (PDX)

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Date: 2009-12-04, 10:29AM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Sales/industrial web video seeks extraordinarily tall woman runner and extraordinarily short man runner.

casting will be by simon max hill casting.
Information about simon max hill casting can be found at smhcasting.com or on the ompa.org web site.

AUDITIONS: Wednesday and Thursday, Dec 9 & 10.
SHOOT: Dec 17th, 2009

PAY (if cast): $400/day

TWO NONSPEAKING ROLES:
Male runner: 4'7" to 5'2", very small, lithe body. Like a jockey.

Female runner: 6'2" and taller, very stocky, large body. Doesn't have to be super athletic/trim.

Both roles involve some running and auditions will involve running on a treadmill, so performers with injuries that prevent running should not apply.
There are no lines to learn

Interested parties should email the following information:
name
contact phone
height
weight
and a recent snapshot of themselves
to

• Location: PDX
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $400/day, usage is industrial/sales/web for 2 years

Yes, That is what customer service means.

I'll just go cut and paste a generic cover letter for you right now.

CUSTOMER SERVICE (Portland)

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Date: 2009-12-04, 5:45AM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Provide product and service information and resolves customer complaints by pinpointing problems; offers solutions, corrections, or adjustments; and follows up to ensure customer satisfaction.

• Location: Portland
• Compensation: COMPETITIVE
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I don't think this is a job.

This was actually in the jobs section today on craigslist. I think I'm qualified, but it's a hell of a commute... I wonder if they'll pay gas milage?

Come and see me anytime!!!!!!! (Newberg)

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Date: 2009-12-03, 10:48PM PST
Reply to: ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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I'm calling out the little take it in the ass punk and you know who you are!! Meet me anytime anywhere and we can get this handled real quick!! That is if you can take the prick out of your ass!! You know how to get ahold of me!! Let's see if you will man up!!

• Location: Newberg
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: punk out!!

But your music is still going to suck.

I tried to "take a gander" at your myspace, but it froze my computer. Maybe try getting a real website going first, then worry about the whole "Street Team" idea.

Local Band NEEDS a street team!
Date: 2009-11-27, 4:31PM

It's simple. We need more people coming to our shows, but with our limited time due to life requirements (jobs, children), we aren't able to commit as much time to show promotion as we would like. So, we need you. And we will pay you based on how many people you get to our shows. 2 bucks per head that you bring. How will we know how many you brought? Few different ways. Tickets can be used to identify you, cards, even name dropping (asking patrons who referred them). Eventually, once we get enough people to shows that we can afford pre-paid merch, you will get a cut of that as well (which will be discussed in the future). Take a gander at our myspace, listen to our tunes, and then decide if you want to do this.
www.myspace.com/metaphiscband

• Location: Portland
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $2 per person

oh wait- I didn't realize that you were locked in the basement together! No wonder you can't get out to promote yourselves! I apologize for mocking you.

STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!!

I can certainly do all of these things, but your lack of lower case letters IS FREAKING ME OUT!
Let me guess, your new concept in Graphic Design is the caps lock key?


ARTIST? (PORTLAND)

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Date: 2009-12-02, 11:14AM PST
Reply to:  ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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UNIQUE POSITION FOR SOMEONE WITH ARTISIC SKILLS:: GRAPHIC DESIGN(COMPUTER AND MANUAL),PHOTOGRAPHY,SCULPTURE,PICTURE FRAMING,PRINTMAKING,SCREEN PRINTING,THEATRE CRAFT, SIGN PRODUCTION,WRITING ETC. CLEANING,HOUSE PAINTING,CAR DRIVING, MUSIC LOVING, PEOPLE PERSON FOR NEW CONCEPT IN GRAPHICS PRODUCTION.

PLEASE SEND A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF SKILLS, RESUME WITH COVER LETTER, PHONE NUMBER, & NAME.

SERIOUS APLLICANTS ONLY PLEASE, WHO LOVE TO WORK...... THANK YOU ATNN. JEFFREY & ERIC

• Location: PORTLAND
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: 10.00 PER HOUR PLUS INCENTIVES