Friday, October 28, 2011

No Hanky Panky

Just when I thought all the good jobs were gone!

Bikini models needed for New Hot Tub (N Portland)

Date: 2011-10-27, 11:02PM PDT
Reply to: wiz.htmfed.ed6@gmail.com [Errors when replying to ads?]


I bought a beautiful new hot tub and don't have enough girls in it! So looking to hire some. No hanky panky No nudity

just clean fun. Hours and pay are negotiable. The only requirement are that your over 18 and look good in a bikini!

please send your name, age and why you want the job attach a recent picture and we'll start the process. Send it to

wiz.htmfed.ed6@gmail.com and thanks for your interest

  • Location: N Portland
  • Compensation: negotiable
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2672883783

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I prefer to work with semi-colons

"Fill in"? Really?


Fill In For Colonic Therapist At Busy Portland Colonic Studio

Date: 2011-06-08, 3:14PM PDT
Reply to: job-3skkw-2429104076@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Because the owner and sole practitioner at this colonic clinic will be out of town for two weeks, we are seeking an experienced colon hydrotherapist to administer closed system colonics between Saturday June 18th and Tuesday July 5th at an established and busy colon hydrotherapy practice in Portland, Oregon.

If you are an experienced colonic therapist, and would welcome full-time work for a couple weeks, possibly leading to part-time work thereafter, please reply to this post with a description about yourself, including:

* your skills,
* your strengths,
* when you can be available,
* what type of colonic equipment you have used
* your experience administering colonic irrigation treatments.

All inquiries will be considered.

Thanks!

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 2429104076

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Graveyard Shift

Must be able to fight zombies, deflect ghosts, and be alert for all signs of the impending apocalypse.


Janitor/Mausoleum Attendant (SW Portland)

Date: 2011-05-04, 7:54AM PDT
Reply to: lee@riverviewcemetery.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Permanent part time weekend position, plus one evening during the week. Approximately 16 - 20 hours per week. Prefer cleaning experience, but will train the right person. Must be available to work all weekends & holidays. You will need a valid drivers license, transportation and be able to start immediately. E-mail or fax resume to Lee (503-452-2867).
  • Location: SW Portland
  • Compensation: $10.00 per hour
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 2361841986

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Job-spiration

Wanted- Cobra Pit Cleaner
Must have own flip flops.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH CAPS LOCK!

Listen. If house cleaning was fun, no one would hire house cleaners.

HOUSECLEANING IS FUN- WE WILL TRAIN YOU (Downtown PDX)

Date: 2011-03-24, 8:02AM PDT
Reply to: job-fvran-2283590072@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


We have owned an operated our business for 23 YEARS. Our specialty is thorough and detailed cleaning- we are not a dust and dash operation! WE ARE PERFECTIONISTS! Our CLIENTS ARE PICKY!!; primarily on the west side and in downtown. We are known as THE BEST!

Employees go directly to the homes- no reporting into an office. The most homes employees clean a day is 2-we do not rush you!!

We are a FAIR AND GENEROUS company with INTEGRITY - we live up to our word.
OUR average EMPLOYEES stays 2 years because they really LIKE THIS JOB!
We NEED EMPLOYEES NOW!!!- we always have work for our employees.

OUR OBJECTIVES:
Hire and train employees- not independent contractors- to be the BEST housecleaners in the city. Employees get a real paycheck from us- we pay taxes and insurance. (This is a real corporation.)
EXPERIENCE IS NOT NECESSARY-WE TRAIN YOU!
Find employees who want a fun energetic LONG TERM job.  Offer FLEXIBLE HOURS starting at 7:30 a.m. and finishing by 5:00 p.m.- Mon- Sat. - Minimum 5 hour shifts- morning starts only. Make this is a GREAT JOB for college students.

Compensate employees so they will have great JOB SATISFACTION. Training pay is $9.50 per hour. Once trained you are raised to $10.00 per hour-and then quickly to $11.00 per hour.

Keep employees CLOSE TO HOME so they travel less than the average metro commuter does. You are PAID your hourly wage for TRAVEL TIME in between homes, and we pay GAS ALLOWANCES.

PROVIDE employees with everything they need to be successful-WE PAY for your WORK CLOTHES.
TRAIN employees to be supervisors and work up to PROFIT SHARING and ownership positions.

JOB REQUIREMENTS:
o Be outgoing and ENERGETIC. THIS IS A JOB WHERE YOU MOVE A LOT!
o Have a strong sense of INITIATIVE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL. Be able to FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. BE A MULTI--MULIT–TASKER!!! Be able to WORK INDEPENDENTLY with INTEGRITY!
o Be available to work staring at 7:30 a.m. for a minimum of 5 hour shifts. (We do not offer afternoon start times)
o Be PUNCTUAL and TRUSTWORTHY.
o Have well groomed appearance and OUTGOING personality. Have great COMMUNICATION skills.
o Understand attention to detail. BE A PERFECTIONIST!
o Must have a CELL PHONE and daily access to E-MAIL and a PRINTER so we can be in touch daily with important information.
o DAILY access to in home laundry machines-we require you to wash the cleaning cloths you use. Employees are paid for your time and laundry expenses.
o Own a dependable and clean AUTOMOBILE and have a valid driver’s license and proof of insurance.

o Speak, read, and write ENGLISH
o Be able to LIFT 30 pounds.
o Be BONDABLE.
o HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA
o 2 YEARS work experience
o Sign a non solicitation agreement

If this sounds right for you send a cover letter saying why you would be great for this job and PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR RESUME OR WORK HISTORY in your e-mail. There are many emails to read, so we do not respond to emails without cover letters and work histories or resumes.
  • Location: Downtown PDX
  • Compensation: Training pay is $9.50 per hour. Once trained you are raised to $10.00 per hour-and then quickly to $11.00 per hour.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

The weak need not apply.

THIS MEANS YOU.

Seeking 3 Quality Individuals (Greater Portland)

Date: 2011-03-05, 9:15AM PST
Reply to: job-dmec6-2248400340@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


We are a Fortune 500 company, seeking 3 quality individuals to learn our business. Due to increased client demand we have more requests for service than we can handle and need help immediately.

We are seeking quality reliable sales oriented professionals who believe in honesty, integrity and truth.
No prospecting, no cold calling. We provide training, benefits and an exciting career with growth and stability.

Must have reliable transportation. Must pass a state required background check. Must be flexible, adaptable and trainable.
The weak need not apply.

For confidential interview, email resume for immediate consideration
  • Location: Greater Portland
  • Compensation: 40k plus bonus 1st year. Benefit package
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 2248400340

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I Love a Good Mixed Metaphor!

Sharks don't hit the ground running - they just kind of splatter.


Top Sales Sharks Needed Now (portland area)

Date: 2011-02-17, 2:25PM PST
Reply to: job-t98ur-2220159445@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Looking for a motivational go-getter to hit the ground running.
3 positions available.

Company looking for the best of the best to train, grow, and develop the current market with one of the best pay plans ever. Must have an open mind and be able to see a vision. Commission only, but that won’t scare the people we are looking for.
Call 888-684-7414 or Click Here Hiring Organization: Wealthy Resources

  • Location: portland area
  • Compensation: 4-7K+ weekly net profit averages
  • Telecommuting is ok.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Phone calls about this job are ok.
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 2220159445


Okay maybe this shark could hit the ground running...