Friday, January 21, 2011

Holy Hyperbole Batman!

We work so HARD! Super HARD! No one else works as Hard as us!  If you come work for us we won't even give you a keyboard, you'll have to browse the internet using the force of your mind. In fact, the fist level of the company is actually just a stationary bicycle in the basement that you'll have to pedal ALL NIGHT just to generate electricity for the rest of us. Then in the second level, you won't even get a chair - you'll just have to squat at your desk, holding a barbell in your teeth... on broken glass.


But wait, here's the ad:

You'll never work harder
Date: 2011-01-21, 2:59AM PST
Reply to: job-duvba-2171879981@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


We're looking for someone that finishes what they start, despite unreasonable obstacles. Ideally, someone who's educated enough to communicate clearly and effectively. While this is a desk job, we work HARD, and people comfortable in corporate America will not make the cut. We're not giving you a jackhammer to dig a ditch, we need trans-atlantic tunnels and you might just get a spoon.

Candidate requirements, in order of priority:

- Willingness to learn: it's imperative you follow advice and and accept constructive criticism. We need someone who's bright, modest, and can maintain a positive attitude in the midst of total insanity.

- Loyalty: we're a small, tight-knit company of extremely devoted individuals-- we're looking for members who understand the responsibility of a family.

- Responsibility: we have a few team members that work remotely from the east coast, Europe, and China and deal with clients across the globe. You must respond quickly and clearly to email during work hours, and be reachable by either phone, Skype, or email at all times in case of a deadline-related emergency.

We're more concerned with work ethic than relevant experience. We work extremely long hours, and will not tolerate people who don't fully invest themselves in the quality of the work that they do. Demonstrations of complex analytical thought will be required to pass the interview, but no previous knowledge of the subject matter is necessary to succeed.

We have a 7 level analyst system, and all team members (regardless of qualification), begin at Level 1. Advancement through the system is determined solely by competency, not time with the company, age, or work experience. The first 4 levels are hourly, 5 and 6 are salary, and the last level comes with a revshare and options.

Prior experience in Marketing, PPC, or Social Media is not required, but may be a plus if you're humble and show initiative. You will be working exclusively on Facebook marketing projects for Webtrends in our office on the tenth floor of the Pacific Center Building, Downtown SW. We run Facebook campaigns for the largest brands out there. We'll teach you.

If you think you can meet these criteria and you're interested in finding out more about the work we do, please reply via email with a short summary of your work experience, strengths, skills, and hobbies. You must have a laptop and reliable internet connection (preferably a smart phone, too). Please limit replies to 500 words. Mass blast resume submissions will be ignored-- demonstrate you're a thinker, say something relevant to Facebook marketing.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.


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