Everyone needs a little help...

This is perfect for me because I've been working as an Assistant Assistant Assistant Manager for years, so this would be a big step up.



McMenamins Hotel Oregon - Assistant Assistant Manager (McMinnville)

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Date: 2011-01-28, 11:43AM PST
Reply to: see below

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McMenamins Hotel Oregon is now hiring a full time Assistant Assistant Manager. Qualified applicants will be 21 and over, have previous high volume serving and supervisory experience and have a fully flexible schedule. McMenamins offers a great benefit package and opportunity for growth in our ever expanding company! Apply online at www.mcmenamins.com or pick up a paper application at any McMenamins location. No phone calls or emails please! EOE

• Location: McMinnville
• Compensation: $9.00 plus tips
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2185211256
the following cartoon is stolen from http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/

VIVA PORTLANDIA!

This is great. I loved that episode.


Stolen Food Cart Benefit Concert (SE Portland)

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Date: 2011-01-27, 9:52PM PST
Reply to: gigs-edtrk-2184298914@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Need a band(s) for a benefit concert 2/5/11 4-8pm. Need to be appropriate for all ages. No money but great publicity and press. Event will be announced on the news tomorrow. Need to be reliable and on time. Need help ASAP and confirmation. Please send links.

• Location: SE Portland
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2184298914

Touch Me I'm Sick

Free medicine, you say? Whoo-hoo!
Okay, which one of you sickos wants to come over and infect me?

paid flu study, ages 20-80 (Portland, OR)

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Date: 2011-01-24, 12:48PM PST
Reply to: gigs-uxcux-2177869188@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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If you are 20-80 years of age and are currently experiencing symptoms of the flu,
including a temperature of 100°F/37.8°C or higher, you may be eligible to help
evaluate an investigational medication.

Who is eligible to participate in this study?

To pre-qualify for this study, you must:

• Be 20 to 80 years of age,
• Be experiencing two or more symptoms of the flu, AND
• Have a fever of 100°F/37.8°C or higher for less than 36 hours

Qualified participants will receive study-related medical
medication at no cost. In addition, reimbursement for time and
travel may also be provided.

To learn more about this study, please contact:


Westover Heights Clinic
503-226-6678

• Location: Portland, OR
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: please call for information

I thought college made you smart...

Here's a hint: It's just a bed sheet.

Need help having a Toga made (Beaverton (Schollsferry))

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Date: 2011-01-24, 11:44AM PST
Reply to: gigs-ssjwv-2177724538@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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My girlfriend and I are going to a toga party and we want to have some toga's made. We would like to zest it up a bit by adding some color and other fun stuff. If you have seamstress experience and think you could do this shoot me an e-mail. My name is John. thanks.

• Location: Beaverton (Schollsferry)
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: will negotiate.

PostingID: 2177724538

Why do psychics need to advertise?

I'm reading your mind right now... the answer is no.


Professional Psychic Tarot Readers - Respectable Telephone Line (virtual)

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Date: 2011-01-21, 11:26PM PST
Reply to: see below

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Professional Psychic & Tarot Readers Upscale and Ethical Network seeks professional readers. This is a professional network - not a 900 line. Clients are given the best because readers on APN are screened and passed testing prior to hire. APN offers added incentives, bonus, yearly pay raise increases and good pay. Web Chat Readings, Phone Readings and Email Readings. For immediate consideration, fill out application on our website at http://www.absolutelypsychic.com/application.html

• Location: virtual
• Compensation: contract
• Telecommuting is ok.
• This is a part-time job.
• This is a contract job.
• OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
• OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2173654880

Holy Hyperbole Batman!

We work so HARD! Super HARD! No one else works as Hard as us!  If you come work for us we won't even give you a keyboard, you'll have to browse the internet using the force of your mind. In fact, the fist level of the company is actually just a stationary bicycle in the basement that you'll have to pedal ALL NIGHT just to generate electricity for the rest of us. Then in the second level, you won't even get a chair - you'll just have to squat at your desk, holding a barbell in your teeth... on broken glass.

But wait, here's the ad:

You'll never work harder
Date: 2011-01-21, 2:59AM PST
Reply to: job-duvba-2171879981@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We're looking for someone that finishes what they start, despite unreasonable obstacles. Ideally, someone who's educated enough to communicate clearly and effectively. While this is a desk job, we work HARD, and people comfortable in corporate America will not make the cut. We're not giving you a jackhammer to dig a ditch, we need trans-atlantic tunnels and you might just get a spoon.

Candidate requirements, in order of priority:

- Willingness to learn: it's imperative you follow advice and and accept constructive criticism. We need someone who's bright, modest, and can maintain a positive attitude in the midst of total insanity.

- Loyalty: we're a small, tight-knit company of extremely devoted individuals-- we're looking for members who understand the responsibility of a family.

- Responsibility: we have a few team members that work remotely from the east coast, Europe, and China and deal with clients across the globe. You must respond quickly and clearly to email during work hours, and be reachable by either phone, Skype, or email at all times in case of a deadline-related emergency.

We're more concerned with work ethic than relevant experience. We work extremely long hours, and will not tolerate people who don't fully invest themselves in the quality of the work that they do. Demonstrations of complex analytical thought will be required to pass the interview, but no previous knowledge of the subject matter is necessary to succeed.

We have a 7 level analyst system, and all team members (regardless of qualification), begin at Level 1. Advancement through the system is determined solely by competency, not time with the company, age, or work experience. The first 4 levels are hourly, 5 and 6 are salary, and the last level comes with a revshare and options.

Prior experience in Marketing, PPC, or Social Media is not required, but may be a plus if you're humble and show initiative. You will be working exclusively on Facebook marketing projects for Webtrends in our office on the tenth floor of the Pacific Center Building, Downtown SW. We run Facebook campaigns for the largest brands out there. We'll teach you.

If you think you can meet these criteria and you're interested in finding out more about the work we do, please reply via email with a short summary of your work experience, strengths, skills, and hobbies. You must have a laptop and reliable internet connection (preferably a smart phone, too). Please limit replies to 500 words. Mass blast resume submissions will be ignored-- demonstrate you're a thinker, say something relevant to Facebook marketing.

• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Join the Family, Man

Damn... I have all of these things except for the penis.


Skilled tradesmen

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Date: 2011-01-19, 3:05PM PST
Reply to: see below

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I need an intelligent Family Man to work in our manufacturing plant. Must have small tools expertise and good computer and administrative experience. Great references and good skills.
Drug free, smoke free environment. Drug testing mandatory. Must have own pickup and good drivers license.

• Location: Portland, Oregon
• Compensation: $32,000.00 annually after training period.
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2169443217

Don't look at me, I've never done this before.

What? I didn't take the class, I thought YOU took the class.

White Water Rafting Guides-no experience required

Date: 2011-01-18, 3:59PM PST
Reply to: blueskyoutfitters@gmail.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Blue Sky Outfitters Whitewater Raft Guide Training beginning March 26 for our 2011 Season


Does having fun with your friends on the river while making money sound like the job for you? Our company is GROWING! If you’re interested in a job as a whitewater guide, give us a call! We’ll have part-time, full-time, and weekends-only positions available.

If you have no experience, you need to pass a Commercial Whitewater Guide Training Class with the State of Washington. Blue Sky Outfitters offers the top Guide Training course in Washington: a highly intensive, hands-on series of classes taught by some of the top whitewater river rafting guides in the state. Our goal is to produce a graduating class that will meet our high standards for our own guides, as we hire most of our new guides from our guide training class.

We look for individuals with a strong work ethic, great attitude, good people skills, and the ability to always be on time and ready to go. You must have your own reliable transportation. If you meet these requirements, get good marks in the course, and have a passion for the river, we might extend an offer to join our company!

Although we hire guides from all over Washington State, Oregon, and Idaho, we’re especially looking for guides local to the following areas:

* Greater Seattle area
* Bellingham / Mt Vernon / Skagit River area
* Wenatchee / Leavenworth / Wenatchee River area
* Twisp / Winthrop / Okanogan / Methow River area
* Portland / Hood River / White Salmon River area
* Yakima / Naches / Tieton River Area

A Note about working as a Whitewater Rafting Guide

Becoming a professional river rafting guide is not for everyone. It takes commitment, dedication, and a willingness to constantly learn and improve throughout one’s career. But the rewards are outstanding. The confidence level of most guides excels within a very short period of time. You will become comfortable taking charge in front of people you have never met. Fellow guides become close friends with a common bond of love of the outdoors, and the constant adventures of challenging whitewater.

If this opportunity sounds like a good job match with your talents we encourage you to give us a call at 1-800-228-7238 or visit our website:
http://www.blueskyoutfitters.com/guide-training.php

REQUIREMENTS
Valid Drivers License
At least 18 years old
Competent Swimmer

CDL is a plus

• Compensation: $65-$85 Per Trip PLUS TIPS
• This is a part-time job.
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Call me Maverick

Telemarketing. Just like flying a jet fighter - Really.

TOP GUNS WANTED (Vancouver, WA)

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Date: 2011-01-10, 2:29PM PST
Reply to: job-e4aps-2153820963@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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LOOKING FOR THE BEST OF THE BEST! We are currently hiring experienced, dynamic outbound telemarketers. Full time positions. Wages dependant upon experience. Paid weekly PLUS weekly bonuses and spiffs. Fun and relaxed atmosphere. We are on the busline. We are one of the top 200 home improvement companies in the country. If you’re tired of the boiler rooms and looking for a stable company we want you as part of our team! Please Call (888) 253-9166.

• Location: Vancouver, WA
• Compensation: Wages depending on experience
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2153820963

Contact info, examples and references not required.

I'm pretty sure if I was a psychic who could find buried treasure I wouldn't be trolling craigslist for a job.

map dowser needed psychic (usa)

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Date: 2011-01-10, 4:34AM PST
Reply to: gigs-dprgd-2152699686@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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I am looking to hire a talented dowser. Can you locate buried objects using a map? Ability to use google earth maps prefered over topo. I have a test to give you to verify your ability. If you pass I would like to hire you for a very well paid position. Payment for service can be negotiated. please include your contact info and any examples or references if you happen to have some, however these are not required.

Thanks

• Location: usa
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: negotiated

I slam doors. Is that the same?

EVERYTHING IS EXCITING WHEN YOU SLAM DORITOS AND EAT ENERGY DRINKS ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!


Advertising for a local small business (Vancouver)

Do you eat Doritos?
Do you Slam Energy Drinks?
Call now and start working in a fun filled youthful environment.

$17.00 to $19.00 to start.
Qualifications:
High school graduate or equivalent.
Ability to learn and follow directions.
Able to begin immediately.
Must have own vehicle.
Good English speaking skills.

Company Offers:
Company trips.
Exciting travel.
Outstanding bonuses.
Indoor work for winter.
NO LAYOFFS

CALL NOW Personal interview will be held Monday and Tuesday only.

1-877-286-5921

• Location: Vancouver
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.